The OJ call to DJ
R-r-r-r-ing R-r-r-r-ing
"This is OJ. Let me speak to DJ."
"Sir. This is the office of The President of the United States."
"I know that babe. Just put me through to DJ."
"Sir, I don't know who you think you are. How DARE you speak to me like that!"
"No babe, you don't know who you're speaking to or you would not speak to me like that. Now put me through sister."
"Who are you? How did you get this number?"
"Just tell him it's OJ. We go way back. He's golfing isn't he? That's why I called his cell."
"One moment whoever you are."
Dingle Dingle ... Dingle Dingle
"Sir there is an 'OJ' on the line who says you go way back"
"On the secure line?"
"No Sir. This is your cell. You only have a secure line in the Oval Office"
"I'M IN THE OVAL OFFICE NITWIT. By the way, go and look at yourself in the mirror! Put him through."
"OJ?"
"Hey DJ. How's it goin' man?"
"This is NOT a Quid Pro Quo. It is a perfect call"
"Say what? This is OJ man. What gives?"
"Sorry Buddy. Oops. I mean you got me Buddy. I never say 'Sorry.' What can you do for me OJ? "
"Just called to say conrats man. Ain't this just the greatest country Dude?"
"Not before ME OJ. I made America GREAT again. Nobody else could do that."
"Er-r-r-r if you say so DJ. But also I have something for you."
"NEVER say that OJ. NEVER. This is NOT a Quid Pro Quo. This is a PERFECT call. I.m running late here OJ so keep talking!"
"Remember the glove thing? I've still got them man - the real ones! They are worth a fortune on Amazon. They will finance your entire campaign."
"This is NOT a Quid Pro Quo. It is a PERFECT call. You were saying?"
"That's it DJ. But before I give them up there is just one little thing. I'd like ... wait now. My lawyer says 'we'd' like a little favor."
"NEVER say that OJ. NEVER. This is NOT a Quid Pro Quo. This is a PERFECT call. I'm listening."
"They tell me you can grant pardons ... to anyone."
"NEVER say that OJ. NEVER. This is NOT a Quid Pro Quo. This is a PERFECT call. I'm going to give you a number - my lawyer's. Call him. There might be a short hold - I mean pause but be patient."
"OK man. We should throw a few sometime out in the yard"
"Your yard or mine?"
"Yours dude. I can throw a Kleenex out of bounds in mine these days."
"FYI OJ, I know more about football than Payton Manning and you combined. I have thrown the most touchdowns and have completed more running plays than anyone in the history of football. Call that number. I'll have somebody speak to him."
"Thanks DJ."
"NEVER say that OJ. NEVER. This is NOT a Quid Pro Quo. This is a PERFECT call. By the way whatever you are doing now? YOU'RE FIRED."
"I'm not employed."
"I can do anything. Didn't you hear? I am a King now."
"You know what DJ? Never mind. You can have the gloves anyway. They're too big these days."
CLICK
"OJ? … OJ? ...I had the biggest inauguration EVER. Way bigger than Obama's. You hear me OJ? ... OJ?"
Ping Ping ... Ping Ping
"You fired me dipstick. Call him yourself! You just press those little square numbers in the middle ... AFTER you hang up ... like THIS."
CLICK
The Brewster
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