Steve Jobs and Apple

Steve Jobs: The Apple Coffin.

Most people would say that Steve Jobs was a creative genius. I would have to agree. He foresaw things that no-one else did and created innovative products to fill the needs none of the rest of us knew we had. Sadly he is no longer with us. What would be the latest Apple products in high demand if he were?

Having read the book about Steve Jobs of the same name, I have to admit that I am not a big fan. Pompous and spoiled come to mind.

The only Apple product I own is a mini Ipod Nano. I rarely use it for several reasons.

1. It is too small
2. It is in my opinion definitely not “intuitively obvious” to use.
3. Steve had a thing about buttons. If you still have any influence Steve, give me back buttons and I will buy more of your products.
4. Steve had a thing about user manuals. If you still have any influence Steve, give me back user manuals and I will buy more of your products.

I was left shaking my head when I finally found out - from a manual - that one of the features in the product was accessed by - shaking the product. Occasionally I still shake my head over that. An infant who has not yet learned to walk might have discovered this - they shake everything but an adult? Be honest and say no.

Its interface is really the prime reason I don’t use it. Here is a little anecdote which I hope depicts my feeling of frustration:

I have just attended the gravesite of a relative. I then wander around the cemetery and come upon a fresh grave. In fact the casket has not yet been lowered but there are no mourners - everyone has departed - poor choice of words.

Imagine my surprise when I realize that I can hear a soft muffled sound coming from within that very same coffin! I look around but I have wandered, it has started to rain, and there is no-one around. I approach the coffin and see a small logo - the Apple Logo. This is an Apple coffin!

I am in panic mode and trying to think very hard. Look for a latch! Then it hits me. This is a Steve Jobs creation - there is no latch. OK think. I know - TAP it. I tap the top - nothing. I tap the bottom - nothing. The muffled sound continues. I tap one side - then the other. I have tapped all four sides - nothing! The truth is, there really are no sides. Steve also had a thing about corners - no corners, hence really no sides. So I direct my contacts where I think a normal person would have placed sides.

I know! This is one of those TAP TWICE features. I repeat my actions once again tapping everywhere two times. Nothing. I try three times as the magic number - nothing! So now I run around the thing slapping it like I’m trying to knock it out once, twice, thrice - nothing! I repeat all of this KICKING the frickin thing - nothing.

Now what - I know! I try to "flick" it. Now I have never flicked a coffin but there I was - broke every nail I had in the process. Nothing! Correction - still muffled sounds. I walk around stroking the thing. Nothing. Now what Steve? Speak to me Steve! Just couldn’t have a nice little “Press here to open” anywhere could you bud?

Then I remember - SHAKE IT! You have to be kidding Steve. Oh well, worth a try. So I straddle the gravesite and almost break my back placing a bear hug around this coffin and hoist it up. I’m swinging the thing back and forth like a Rock ‘n Roll dance hoping now is not the time for someone to pass by. Nothing.

In total disregard for the situation I hoist the thing up as high as I can and slam it onto the ground! Nothing! Correction. The muffled sounds have now stopped. I struggle to replace it on its bed. I give you credit for a strong coffin Steve if nothing else. The poor individual inside might not agree however.

Should I report this? Is anyone going to believe me? Just one lousy button Steve - that’s all it would have taken. If this were a Microsoft / Bill Gates coffin, it would at least have had a START button. God knows why but it probably would have opened it. And if you were really that smart why isn’t there an inside release like the trunk of every car made today - just in case. Even children can open those!

I had to walk away. Blame this on another esthetically beautiful Steve Jobs creation - don't blame me. I wondered how many people Steve screamed at during its design? Sorry bud. No more Apple products for me.

The Brewster

Will someone please invent ...

Here are some potential moneymakers.

I have always toyed with the idea of inventing something - oh yes - and getting rich. Like most other wannabe inventors there have been what I think are some very good ideas but procrastination prevailed and someone beat me to it. That the most lucrative and useful inventions always fill a need. Because of that several people are likely working on them concurrently.

But here are some ideas for someone else to pursue. An idea alone can't be patented but if anyone gets rich from these any donations will be gratefully accepted!

14. Removable Tattoos

Sure there are stick-on and wash off types of body art. Can't someone by now make a reversible tattoo ink? By that I mean one which - simply by applying a penetrating cream or oil - will just fade away with no pain?

13. Scalp Hair Remover

Many guys today go with the bald look - they shave off all of their scalp hair themselves for various reasons. I am not one - blessed with long life hair. I just looked up NAIR for men http://www.naircare.com/en/Men so it exists for body and facial hair. Does it work for scalps? There are a lot of males out there looking like they put their head through a window. This would prevent that. 

12. Profile Nail Clippers

I dislike filing nails - fingers or toes. Therefore I end up clipping each nail several times starting at one side a bit at a time and moving around to shape them. I am sure I am not alone here. What about a heavy duty clipper into which you clip or fasten one of several cutters that cut the entire nail at once. The manufacturer could then sell sets of profiles for men, women, wide, narrow etc. No filing needed. They will make a fortune like razors - the money is in the blades, not the clipper.

11. Radio Golf Balls

How annoying is a lost golf ball, especially when it is just in long grass or leaves? How about a ball which has internal circuitry that responds to a small hand held transmitter so you could quickly scan an area perhaps up to 10 yards away. The device would beep and guide you to the ball. It would also speed up traffic on the course. This assumes that the ball makers would actually want to help you find their ball! Probably not.

10. Second BBQ Tray

When we buy a new BBQ, give us a backup slide out grease tray. Then we can put in the second to carry on using while - some day - we clean the original. The grills are another problem. They could supply 2 sets also but that might get expensive. Like car makers they want to sell us those parts and a new BBQ after a few years so I won't hold my breath.

9. Tooth Paste Pump

Once again perhaps these exist. I am thinking of something like a soap dispenser for soft or liquid soap. This would be for tooth paste and could match its soap sibling in design. Then

it could be sold in bulk like liquid soap. No more need for a tooth paste roller (that my Dad also made once,) or for tooth paste tubes either.

8. Dog Dish Opener App.

My Dad thought of this one decades before cell phones or PCs. His was strictly electro mechanical. If you are going to be late then open the dog's dish with your phone so it can eat dinner. They tell me cats are not a problem this way. They don't eat until they know that you know they are in a snit for leaving them. It could still be electro mechanical with some kind of chip timer instead of a phone trigger.

7. Removable Cup Holders

Perhaps these exist but not in any of my cars so far. How dirty do cup holders in cars become with weeks of coffee and sweet drink spills and drips? Provide a liner that can be removed for washing and replacement.

6. Do It Yourself Shoe Resoles

You can place a liner in a shoe but what about the outside? Surely they can invent a sole that - when it is a little too worn - you can simply unfasten and then step onto a new one. The adhesive would take some work.  Where are those guys who invented removable post-it notes? 

5. Decent Looking Men's Hair  Dye

Naturally I would never use it but it would be nice to see. It is always horrible copper/brown; ridiculous jet black or ludicrous blonde. Can't they do men's highlighter? In my case it's difficult to highlight snow white but again this is for other men!

4. Windproof Umbrella

I hope this one is self-evident.

3a. Front Windshield Electric Defroster

I  don't know why cars don't have a front defroster like the electric ones in the back. I can't see it as a visibility issue. If so, use micro wires; invent clear wires; or micro channels in the glass through which you conduct electrically warmed air. C'mon engineers.

 

3b Front Windshield Electric Defroster

 

As an alternative to 3a, what about heated wiper blades? That would keep that buildup of ice on the blade from forming. 3a and b together would be best.

2. Instant Shoe Fastener

I hate doing up laces. There are shoes that use Velcro but they can also be a pain and the little hooks eventually get full of lint, threads, etc. which looks bad as well. They can also catch on socks and clothing. There must be a better way.

1. Device to jam cell phones while driving 

I wrote a  poem in this blog about cell phone use and driving. I'd like to see car manufacturers include a device that jams cell phones in the car for texting or calling, incoming or outgoing as long as the car is in gear. That way you HAVE to pull over to use it but for safety and warmth the engine can run in neutral or park. 

Go for it.

#thebrewsterblock

Driving and Cell Phones

Wake up and smell the blood 

Of all the selfish actions

I witness every day,

We have to find a way to make

These guilty parties pay.

It’s not the politicians

Their lies and glad handshake.

Nor the fat cat lawyers

And all the fees they take.

It’s not the oil executives

Monopolizing fuels.

Nor the striking teachers   

Closing down our schools.

It’s not my fellow bipeds

Spitting out their gum.

Nor the cheeky youngsters

Swearing at their Mom.

It’s not the transit riders

Blasting out a tune.

Nor citizens of countries   

Electing a buffoon.

It’s not the big brave hunters

Slaying innocent prey.

Nor multi-million athletes

Whining for more pay.

I could write more pages

About bad deeds and crooks.

With subjects who are human

I could fill ten books.

I’m sure you are impatient.

Good - that’s how I feel,

And totally frustrated

Making this appeal.

The subjects of these verses

Care not for you and me.

So if you know you’re guilty

I hope that you’ll agree.

I speak of lame brained drivers

Who won’t stay off their cell.

Such idiotic morons

Deserve to be in Hell.

Alone or with their children

It matters not the sex.

Disaster in an instant.

It’s really not complex.

What call or text can matter

More than another’s soul?

I hope you see there is none.

That is my hope and goal.

The Brewster