The Perfect Call

The OJ call to DJ

R-r-r-r-ing R-r-r-r-ing

"White House. How can you help us?"
"This is OJ. Let me speak to DJ."
"Sir. This is the office of The President of the United States."
"I know that babe. Just put me through to DJ."
"Sir, I don't know who you think you are. How DARE you speak to me like that!"
"No babe, you don't know who you're speaking to or you would not speak to me like that. Now put me through sister."
"Who are you? How did you get this number?"
"Just tell him it's OJ. We go way back. He's golfing isn't he? That's why I called his cell."

"One moment whoever you are."

Dingle Dingle ... Dingle Dingle 

"I'm golfing here! I just missed my putt! This better be good. YOU'RE FIRED!"
"Sir there is an 'OJ' on the line who says you go way back"
"On the secure line?"
"No Sir. This is your cell. You only have a secure line in the Oval Office"
"I'M IN THE OVAL OFFICE NITWIT. By the way, go and look at yourself in the mirror! Put him through."
"OJ?"
"Hey DJ. How's it goin' man?"
"This is NOT a Quid Pro Quo. It is a perfect call"
"Say what? This is OJ man. What gives?"
"Sorry Buddy. Oops. I mean you got me Buddy. I never say 'Sorry.' What can you do for me OJ? "
"Just called to say conrats man. Ain't this just the greatest country Dude?"
"Not before ME OJ. I made America GREAT again. Nobody else could do that."
"Er-r-r-r if you say so DJ. But also I have something for you."
"NEVER say that OJ. NEVER. This is NOT a Quid Pro Quo. This is a PERFECT call. I.m running late here OJ so keep talking!"
"Remember the glove thing? I've still got them man - the real ones! They are worth a fortune on Amazon. They will finance your entire campaign."
"This is NOT a Quid Pro Quo. It is a PERFECT call. You were saying?"
"That's it DJ. But before I give them up there is just one little thing. I'd like ... wait now. My lawyer says 'we'd' like a little favor."
"NEVER say that OJ. NEVER. This is NOT a Quid Pro Quo. This is a PERFECT call. I'm listening."
"They tell me you can grant pardons ... to anyone."
"NEVER say that OJ. NEVER. This is NOT a Quid Pro Quo. This is a PERFECT call. I'm going to give you a number - my lawyer's. Call him. There might be a short hold - I mean pause  but be patient."
"OK man. We should throw a few sometime out in the yard"
"Your yard or mine?"
"Yours dude. I can throw a Kleenex out of bounds in mine these days."
"FYI OJ, I know more about football than Payton Manning and you combined. I have thrown the most touchdowns and have completed more running plays than anyone in the history of football. Call that number. I'll have somebody speak to him."
"Thanks DJ."
"NEVER say that OJ. NEVER. This is NOT a Quid Pro Quo. This is a PERFECT call. By the way whatever you are doing now? YOU'RE FIRED."
"I'm not employed."
"I can do anything. Didn't you hear? I am a King now." 

"You know what DJ? Never mind. You can have the gloves anyway. They're too big these days."

CLICK

"OJ? … OJ? ...I had the biggest inauguration EVER. Way bigger than Obama's. You hear me OJ? ... OJ?"

Ping Ping ... Ping Ping

"Get that guy back on this phone STAT!"

"You fired me dipstick. Call him yourself! You just press those little square numbers in the middle ... AFTER you hang up ... like THIS."

CLICK

The Brewster

Senate Trial Super Bowl!

Where is the Bigger Game - Washington or Miami?

This is a big week-end for Washington as well as Miami. The Senate's game has been going on for two weeks now and we still don't know the outcome - more like cricket.

There are more parallels than differences. However let's compare the biggest game in the Washington season and the biggest game in the football season:

• Both rely heavily on corporate money.
• Both make a big deal out of the kickoff but most times it amounts to nothing.
• Inactive players sit on the sidelines. Senators watch their phones; footballers the game.
• The Super Bowl umpires wear stripes. Perhaps the Senate ones should also - head to toe!
• There is rough play and hard hitting in both but no penalties in the Senate.
• You will do well in either if you can dodge, run fast, and pass the ball. 
• In football you try to catch the ball. In the Senate you try to avoid it.
• Both have offensive and defensive players. Most Senators however are always offensive.
• Post game analysis lasts for hours in one but forever in the other.
• The fans in both get into passionate fights.
• In both, if you can keep winning you can keep playing.
• Sometimes the oldest players do best in the Senate - not so much in football.
• Women go crazy for footballers. You can probably guess the rest of this.
• In the Super Bowl there is a clear winner. In the Senate there is no winner. Just losers.
• Fans would miss almost anything for the Bowl; watch anything else but the Senate trial.

What a country! There is something for everyone.

The Brewster

Recycling Problem is Huge

Help Solve the Problem since You are the Problem

If you want to make a contribution to our world, just Google a few items on recycling of waste, types of recycling, sorting waste, classifications of waste.

Short on time? Start with plastics. The amount and types of plastic we use are eye openers. No wonder our oceans are full of them.

It seems to me there are two major problems: money and convenience.

The money part is obvious. Huge companies and their owners are making fortunes from producing and selling plastic. They are not so keen on taking it back. In addition, the packaging industry relies heavily on the stuff. Look at what you buy and what you throw out, including the fast food at restaurants and the containers discarded there that never make it home.

The convenience problem rests mainly on our shoulders. We buy the products. They are quick and easy and, as mentioned above, help to reduce the cost of the things we buy. Let's face it. This is one area where the average person is just too apathetic and lazy. Throw in cheap.

Focusing on plastics, manufacturers could use alternatives but they know if cost goes up and convenience goes down, we won't buy. As well if they ignore this, one of their competitors will likely break rank for the profits.

We are also guilty of doing a really lousy job of properly recycling. Be honest. Do you remove labels from containers? How many paper towels are discarded after a single use? Do you thoroughly wash out that peanut butter or margarine container? Do you still buy plastic shopping bags? Do you search for that tiny recycle emblem (plastic resin code) to see if it is acceptable for recycling where you live?

I could go on. My suggestion today is that since we are the major problem how about more suggestions on solutions or hacks to reuse items from us the consumers?

Here is a small one. What about mandating that those plastic codes must appear on the sides of containers? They should be big and bright enough that sorters of materials and you the consumer can see them right away. Color code them. Currently they can be difficult to find and read. If this will help with the separation, that would be a big step.

I welcome any other suggestions. All we need are ideas. There are enough entrepreneurs out there to run with them.


The Brewster

The Golden Years of Retirement

My Golden Years Must Be Silver. They Are Tarnished

Many people fear retirement. I am there and would definitely say it is not to be feared but it absolutely requires preparation. The big one is finances. I have no problem keeping myself busy and that does not mean sitting on my butt in front of the TV. If you really want  to enjoy yourself you need 1 of 2 things: A big net worth to replace your salary with earnings or a very inexpensive passtime which you love.

I did really well in school always getting top marks but in that subject which is not taught per se, called life, and its advanced topic called retirement, I give myself a failing grade.

I was born in the late '40s. There are many things for which my generation should be grateful. In my case:

1. I never had to go off to face the horrors of war possibly never to return.
2. I did not face the discrimination many face daily.
3. My family was not wealthy growing up but we had a decent life because of the hard work and sacrifice of my parents.
4. I never had and so far still don't have any serious health problems. I do workout and watch what I eat to preserve this.
5. I could have done anything and become anything I really wanted. So can you.
6. I lived for several years in a university residence and had the time of my life. I had a lot of catching up to do with experiences most kids had in high school. My energy went more into socializing than to academics.
7. I lived and worked for a few years in another country experiencing an entirely different culture - the U.K. I enjoyed it.
8. I have no serious financial debts but also no excess to do many things that others are now enjoying.

I have many regrets and for these I am solely responsible:

1. I never found a calling at which I had a natural talent and which I enjoyed. If you find that and give it all you have you will do well in life.
2. Long before meeting my partner I let the one woman I should have asked to spend our lives together get away. That's the one regrettable thing about my time in the U.K. In the case of my partner on the other hand, long before we met she found the man she thought was her match but it did not work out.
3. I should have pursued music, writing, or some other form of the creative arts.
4. I did not have kids.
5. I took my education for granted working very hard at it but for the wrong reasons and in the wrong fashion.
6. For some time I did give professional financial advice and sold financial products to clients but in this area I was like the plumber with leaky taps at home.
7. Essentially I drifted through life event by event. I should have charted a course.

So why people will ask, am I writing this? Perhaps some younger person or their parent will read it and realize the answer to that question: This is how NOT to lead your life. Invest for a rainy day and find something you love doing and someone to love. The rest will take care of itself.

The Brewster

Kobe Bryant and Gianna

A Tiny Bit of Positive, in a Horrible Tragedy

I don't follow sports but I knew the name and his celebrity as a basketball star. Now I even know the name of one of his daughter's.

Many are probably castigating me right now for the heading "Tiny Bit of Positive" for such a sad event. I understand but please read on.

The Bit of Positive to which I refer is simply that such an event involving a famous person makes us realize:

1. Such a horrible thing can and does happen to ANYONE, even ourselves.
2. Several families suffered here
3. Such events can happen in the next 5 seconds, today, tomorrow - anytime.
4. There is nothing we can do to prevent them.
5. Celebrities and their loved ones grieve just like us.
6. Live for today because tomorrow might never happen.
7. Be damned appreciative that this has not yet happened to you or those you love (if that is the case) and make every minute with them count.

Having expressed that, my heart goes out to all of those who knew and loved all of these people because above all that is what we lost - people.

We will never know why this happened - not the technical causes - but why now, and why this, and why them. Religion and faith have no real answers.

It's called life and sometimes it really sucks.

The Brewster