Ideal Politician - an Oxymoron?

What makes a good politician?

Is this the oxymoron of oxymorons? Some people would say yes - right up there with an honest oil CEO, tobacco executive, or a helpful tax collector. I am trying to give the lawyers of this world a break and leave them out of this, but since many political figures have legal backgrounds, they can't escape entirely.

It seems to me that there are three major characteristics of politicians that most people dislike. I say most, because there are many people who have simply come to accept politics for what it is - dirty - so what is to dislike? Needless to say a lot of them are politicians - or wannabes.

1. The first is simply that lying is perfectly acceptable. You lie during a campaign to get into office. Then if you win you lie to stay there. Once elected there will always be extenuating circumstances which you could not have foreseen that rationalize any broken promises. If you lose and are in opposition, then you spend all of your time trying to expose the leader's lies and imply that if you are voted in next time you would never be guilty of it yourself. Liar!
2. The second is that in order to get into office you need a fortune to run your campaign (of lies.) It makes you totally indebted to the very wealthy people who finance you. This will obligate you to do the things that they want which include of course making them even richer and even more privileged.
3. The third is again accepted as part of the game. You find as much dirt as you can on your opponent and make the most of it. If you can't find it then a healthy show of characteristic number one will suffice. Lie! If you have lots of number two then you can pay someone to find the dirt. Let's face it - we always hear a lot of number two in most campaigns even without donors. You must as well, claim that you are only responding to the opposition for indulging in this practice. They did it first! Sounds just like a kid in the school yard. No surprise there.

The acceptance of all of this was particularly noticeable in the many people with whom I worked over the years who came from much older countries abroad. Europe and Asia come to mind. I understand this. Their ancestors have experienced governments and leaders who have been guilty of horrific acts far worse than lying, taking bribes, and mudslinging.

They thought that I and my countrymen were simply naive children with our lofty ideals. I am beginning to think that they were right. One man from the Ukraine would not buy lottery tickets. Since they were government run, they must be rigged. Shortly after that there was a big scandal over retailers cheating on lotteries!

How do we remedy this? That's a question that's as old as time.  If we fix these problems we can then move on to world peace and the origin of mankind - sorry "personkind". I must be politically correct. The whole idea here is to attempt to level the playing field. Joe or Susie Average should have just as equal an opportunity to run for office as Mr. or Mrs. Millionaire / Billionaire.

I invite you to read my article on "Politics - New Ideas to Try". See link below.
New Political Ideas

Pet Peeves

What are some of your pet peeves?

Here are some of mine to get things going:

OFFICE LUNCHROOM PIGS

Do you think that those who share your lunchroom, leave a mess on the counter and in the microwave and never throw out their garbage get away with that at home? I doubt it.

You know all of those lunch bags packed into the fridge where your fresh food is? Think about where they have been sitting:
- on the floor including washrooms, cars, and public transit to name a few
- on the ground or sidewalk
- on the dirty countertop
- on car and transit seats
- up against other filthy bags in the fridge and on its dirty shelves

Also they are way too big to fit in there - it leaves little room in the fridge. I know it is inconvenient but shouldn't people really unpack them and then place their contents in the fridge?

When is the last time you washed and sanitized yours thoroughly? (I meant your lunch bag!)? 

OFFICE BATHROOM PIGS
I don't know about the ladies but I have to wonder if many of my male colleagues were born and raised in a barn.

There is often: human waste of both types on the seat and on the floor. Certain types and faiths are so hung up on hygiene they cover the seat with tons of tissue or paper towels and then either a) leave it there or b) try to flush it and plug the toilet. You can just imagine the mess that causes. Then there are the constant wads of gum and wrappers in the urinals; paper towels all over the floor; and flooded countertops which no one will soak up. Lest I forget whiskers and spit in the sink.

And yes, guys still exist who do there seated business and then walk straight out without washing their hands. This happens at the office and the gym and the scary thing is, they probably DO get away with it at home!

CHEAP SCENTS

Ladies and gentlemen: More of a cheap scent simply does not make it better. A little dab of expensive perfume or after shave (if any men still use it) is WAY more sexy and alluring then splashing on or bathing in the cheap stuff! Sometimes it is even worse than a very minor, musky scent of perspiration. A damp finger tip merely touched to a few other places is all that is needed. Please!

IN YOUR FACE PEOPLE

A good, spirited, face to face conversation can be very enjoyable. Not so when the other party is constantly in your face. They can't make their point without being a foot from your face and probably do a lot of touching and shoulder tapping as well. Back off bud! If I have to wear my reading glasses to see your blurry face or if I smell your coffee breath you are too close!

ALUMINUM FOIL AND CELLOPHANE ROLLS

Don't you just hate those foil rolls that don't peel off the roll evenly? By the time you realize there is a strip of missing foil from what you tear off it is near impossible to strip it away. Likewise at the end of the roll you would think they could find a way to wind it without gluing the last bit to the cardboard. 

The same goes for cellophane. It would also be nice if what you tear off does not cling to itself. C'mon engineers and chemists!

SLIPPERY MATTS

Shouldn't it be mandatory that all floor matts are non-slip? These can be very dangerous. I can buy rubber pads to place underneath but why should I have to?

SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE DEATH

Come again? Which of these companies actually think I will buy and try their product? I know - talk to my doctor first. You mean the same one you pay for recommending your product? 

ONLINE ADVERTISING

What are some of the worst types of unsolicited ads online? One of my dislikes are those which have video and sound but they only start when you scroll down and they are in view catching you by surprise. Hint to Advertiser: I can't name ONE of these because I can't get rid of them fast enough - you are wasting your time. They usually stop once you scroll past them. On a positive note I credit the ones that say you can SKIP the ad in so many seconds. Some tell you how long the interruption will be so you can decide to go elsewhere or wait.

Let's face it - advertising just like TV and radio pays the bills. Just stop trying to fool be with pop-ups I can't avoid. 

VISCIOUS TOILET LID COVERS:

As a man whenever you are visiting someone and try to do the right thing by lifting both the toilet lid and the seat there it is - some cutesy freshly laundered lid-cover that causes the seat to come crashing down in the middle of nature’s call! Ladies, if you are going to cover the toilets with fleece or whatever, let us first give it a test run. Besides, toilets are full of dampness and odors. Toilet covers absorb both. I know it must be a total shock if we leave the seat and lid up and while you are texting, or drinking, or thinking, you end up (OK end down actually) with your tush on the cold porcelain and then in the water. But what about us? Things just get flowing nicely and BAM – down crashes the seat. If our plumbing is still intact, we just woke the entire household and went all over the seat anyway when we tried to avoid it! Bad idea ladies.

METAL COAT HANGERS: 

They ALWAYS get tangled. You can put them back as neatly as possible. It is inevitable however that when they hit a certain critical number - the empty ones - they will get more inter-twined than snakes in a pit. I used to collect them for recycling at the cleaners. I’d lay them all out in a row in the car, but upon arrival they would once again be tangled up. I’m sure the cleaners just tossed them. I even resorted to tying them with twist-ties. This worked, but it just simplified the task of tossing them for the same cleaners. They are impossible to fold up neatly for disposal and always poke their way through the side of a garbage bag. 

MOVIE SOUND EDITING 
You would think with all of the technology and special effects in movies today that a producer or editor could find a way to create the subtle effect of a whisper in a film without making it impossible to hear the actor. I hate having to constantly replay something just to hear a couple of sentences that some director thought was a cool bit of dramatic effect. It is inevitably a critical bit of dialogue when this happens. Then you have to crank the volume back down again. How about displaying text when the dialogue is too soft to hear? In a theatre there is no replay.

While we are solving this problem, could you solve the reverse - TV commercials which are broadcast at twice the volume of the program they are supporting. If they can bleep out live expletives before they are broadcast then they can monitor pre-recorded commercials and do the same thing.

PLASTIC CONTAINERS 

I don’t know if this is the right term but I am referring to those clear, thin, rigid plastic containers used most frequently in the baking departments of supermarkets. They usually contain muffins and cookies. This has to be one of the worst contributors to environmental waste.

Firstly, they are not tightly sealed so they really only act as a means of conveying or containing the goods, not keeping them fresh. Secondly they are impossible to crush. I try to do so under my foot several times. In addition to spreading crumbs all over the floor, they always manage to slowly rise partially back to their original shape like the villain in that Arnold movie. The worst thing is that they make a horrible crinkle sound as they rise and usually do so in the garbage bag in the middle of the night! Many is the time I have thought there was a burglar in the house. 

Another of course is the tough plastic wrapped item like a toothbrush or a piece of electronic equipment. You need bolt cutters to get into these things. Most people use a sharp knife often cutting themselves

BIRD DROPPINGS

There is a kid’s rhyme which goes: 

          Birdie Birdie in the sky

          Dropping whitewash in my eye

          But I’m not worried, I don’t cry

          I’m just glad that cows don’t fly! 

How do bird’s always manage to hit your car from on high? Why is it always right after you wash it despite weeks of reprieve in the bombing raids? Is it deliberate? Are gulls protesting the fate of their barnyard cousins? These are questions of deep import.

I do wonder however if they have some inherent technology which enables their astonishing accuracy just as bats have radar. If you saw the movie “The Dambusters”, you will recall the simple system of two angled spotlight beams converging on the ground to indicate the correct drop altitude of a low-flying bomber.

This analogy has more significance than you think. My bungalow has a 3-4 foot overhang around it and several floor-to-roof window panes. Birds still manage to hit my window at the top. It has to carry several feet laterally. I would love to capture this on video. No, I would love to capture the perpetrators.

LITTERBUGS 

Few things demonstrate the selfish, lazy, inconsiderate, swine like behavior of humans more than these people. Top of the list are gum chewers who just spit it out anywhere but most commonly on walkways. Just look on any public sidewalk in a downtown area and you will see tens of thousands of round black spots – dried gum. It is near impossible to remove it from the concrete. Usually this is in sight of a litter container. As most of us know – good luck if you tread on it and try to remove it from your shoe or clothing. These people should be shot on sight. 

On my way to work one morning on a road that quickly entered farmland north of a housing area, I turned a corner an found an entire wooden rowboat on the shoulder. Barely out of sight someone dumped it. Near it were garbage bags, leaf bags and many other things. What pigs live among us.

SEAT HOGS 

Funny – there is another pig reference. When did it become acceptable to stay seated on public transit when right beside you is a pregnant woman, senior person having trouble walking or standing, handicapped person etc.? If you are able bodied, offer the seat. End of conversation. Not quite. Selfish bastards!

SELFISH / BAD DRIVERS

This one deserves its own book. Those of us who drive know that we are all better drivers than everyone else with whom we share this privilege - and it IS a privilege.
I have already written about cell phones and driving under "Social Issues." Here are but a few of the most aggravating for me:

- refusing to use turn indicators for anything
- turning left or right from your current lane into another one two or more away. Staying in your right or left lane is the rule no matter whether you want to take another immediate exit or not. If you miss it too bad. Come back.
- selfish people who refuse to let you in to merge, even at high speed. This is gambling with peoples' lives.
- essentially ignoring STOP signs or right turns on a red by just slowing down rather than stopping.
- ignoring pedestrian crossings or pedestrians in general
- idiots who think they are skilled high speed drivers. Unless they have been professionally trained, they are not.
- tailgaters - a must have on any such list.
- one of the most dangerous other than cell phone hands on users is the red light runner. For these people there is no yellow light.
- winter drivers who just don't understand that perhaps 4-wheel drive allows you to accelerate faster but it does not allow you to stop any faster.

SCREAMING ON FEMALE TALK SHOWS

There are several talk shows my other half enjoys - a few Canadian and a few more American. One common element is the ear-piercing screaming that seems to be mandatory to attain a seat in the audience. She was in attendance once and confirmed that there were signs held aloft to stir applause at appropriate times. However these shows sound and look like teenyboppers at a rock concert - or a war cry as the battle begins. I live in fear that our windows or crystal will shatter any moment! It carries on for ages. In addition whenever a panel member makes a contribution to a particular topic however inane, there is another huge round of clapping. These panelists are paid to be there - to talk! Give us a break. It is seldom profound.

Now let's hear from some of you.

Affairs - It Takes Two to Tango.

Affairs - Men vs. Women

This is an appeal to women everywhere. I would like to hear answers to the question posed in the title.

There is no question that women have had a raw deal throughout history. They did and still do most of the domestic chores and child rearing. Men have always used the old cop out that it is simple biology. They are more "suited" for it. My personal opinion - that is BULL. Lots of men today have proven otherwise. They share housework, cooking, and parenting with their wives. Many single men and all male couples do the same. The number of men willing to share needs to grow.

Women were not "persons" and could not vote. They were not encouraged to be doctors or lawyers or airline pilots and were not admitted to the institutions that controlled those disciplines. Thankfully many of those attitudes have disappeared as well.

We need more female national leaders - I firmly believe that.

Men's attitudes to women and sex have also been totally out to lunch. Too many single guys - and married ones also - see a date as a box office ticket to sex. Many true low lives even use drugs and chemicals to achieve this. These men have crawled out from under a rock.  On a similar level with these, are men who use their superior position in employment situations to do the same. The "Me Too" movement was overdue.

There is still an attitude - I believe more in the USA than elsewhere - that carving notches in your bedpost even after marriage is what men must do to prove their manhood. I can still "get" a woman. I still have it. Marriage vows be damned. These men need to grow up.

OK. Hopefully you get my drift. And by the way, I don't drift. But I would REALLY like to know why so many women are guilty of certain behaviours for which men are trashed.

A classic example - unfortunately for him - was the Tiger Woods scandal. There are lots of others - politicians and "celebrities." When it broke, the rumours were that he had cheated with something like ten or twelve women. For weeks - literally - my wife listened to female talk shows on which this was the daily topic. They always asked "Why are men such bastards?"

Here goes. Why ladies did all of your sisters sleep with him? They KNEW it was wrong but they did it anyway. They cheated on his wife and kids just as much as he did and in some cases they probably cheated on their own spouse, partner, or kids. Tiger was not their boss, teacher, or priest. I never heard that he forced them or gave them drugs. What was their rationalization?

Never did I hear an entire show devoted to this question. If you are going to generalize and refer to men as bastards, then permit me to ask why were so many women sleazy? They cheated on one of their own. What's more, it is the same for any such scandal even if there is only one man and mistress involved.

Women imply they are in some way holier than men and yet I hear no explanation. It always takes two to dance that particular Tango and like any other dance request, they can say NO.

Therefore on a scale of sleaze, to me this has men scoring 1 but women scoring 10 or 12 - the gold medal.

Over to you ladies. Rational explanations now gratefully accepted.

The Brewster

Stoop and Scoop

Bring Back the Pillory

I was a dog owner, and a pretty responsible one. Whenever I see fellow owners who fail to clean up after their pets, I'm fit to be tied. In my opinion, so are they. There is NO excuse. This makes my blood boil. It also stimulates my creative side - I invent new swear words and punishments.

I have categorized the violators, as follows:

THE MIDNIGHT SKULKER: These people operate under cover of darkness - the most cowardly of them all. They let it fall anywhere - your front lawn, the sidewalk - it matters not. My fondest wish is that two of them pass at night on a walkway, exchange greetings, and then step in each other’s mess before they reach home.

THE MOBILE MARAUDER: This is another cowardly type. They drive to another neighbourhood, (often at night making them MOBILE MIDNIGHT SKULKERS), let their dog out to do its thing, and then speed off upon its return. If they see you they turn out their car lights until they are far enough away that licence numbers can't be seen. My secret desire here is that I could be fast enough to pick up the offending pile on a stick and be able to fling it at the retreating vehicle scoring a direct hit. I envisage it remaining there to be baked by the sun until the next car wash. It would be like The Scarlet Letter - an indication that a true scum is driving the car.

THE MINDLESS MASTER: Mr. or Mrs. Forgetful, when challenged points out that he/she forgot their plastic bag or other form of scooper. I sympathize. It has happened to me. So I carry a spare for these pathetic beings. At that point, they usually mention a bad back. For repeat offenders I’d love to offer them a bag I have already used for my dog. They might continue to forget their own bag but once they put their hand inside they most definitely would remember the experience. 

THE DELIBERATELY FLAGRANT: These people delight in allowing their dog to do it right under the largest and most prominent signs intended to discourage same. If the dog hits the signpost itself I guess they give themselves extra points. Some do it with you and others watching. I am usually speechless when this happens, especially if their dog is bigger than me.

THE SIDEWALK SICKIE: You guessed it - right in the middle of the sidewalk. There is only one worse (see next category). If you are walking with someone else and not watching where you are stepping, your Hush Puppies become Mush Puppies! A person can’t be much more ignorant. One of these times I will quickly clean up their mess myself, and then follow them home. I can’t wait to empty the bag on their stairs - smearing it all over them. An alternative is an old one – light it aflame on their threshold and then ring the bell and run.

THE SCHOOLYARD SCATTERBRAIN: I can not imagine how anyone can be quite so stupid and selfish. To leave a dog's crap in the middle of a schoolyard where children walk and play should be punishable by prison. Time behind bars would be appropriate, but time performing community service would be more useful. I know just the chore - cleaning up after all the other low lives outlined herein.

THE OLDER COUPLE /  MOP DOG DUET: You all know this one - an elderly couple, talking right to you while their yappy little mutt drops one right under your nose. "Oh Cuddles, you BAD thing you". However, that's as far as it goes. Maybe they really DO have difficulty bending over. However there are several devices to spare the stooping and still do the scooping! I could tolerate these if we could eliminate all the rest. I wonder how many seniors are laughing together as they read this, realising that I'm on to them? My mother and father in their more senior years still managed to do the right thing. 

THE PLASTIC FACADE: It is near impossible to catch these types. Carrying plastic bags like me, they actually fill it while in your presence. They might even discuss the overall problem and how disgusting it is to them too. Then on the way home when no-one is watching, they ditch the bag - anywhere. If there is no convenient trash bin the right thing to do is to take it home and deal with it. They will never do this.

Last, but not least:

THE GREAT PRETENDER: Always at a distance, even in the rain, they make an inordinately visible effort to bend over and scoop, bag, brush or whatever. Upon closer inspection, however, you find that they left the poop right where it fell! They deserve Oscars if nothing else. I often think that I should likewise pretend not to notice, pick up the mess when they are not watching, and throw it at them as they walk away. I would steadfastly deny involvement if they pursued me, suggesting instead that a higher power might be punishing them for their crime.

How can we deter these lowlife creatures? What are appropriate and effective punishments for offenders? One idea has already been mentioned, and that is to have the person(s) do community service cleaning up doggy poop locally. They should also be made to wear a suitable form of identification while performing just like the chain gangs in the southern states. A sweat shirt with a big “I’M A POOP” on it front and back would be good. Repeat offenders could be tattooed in such a manner.

The publication of the names of prostitutes’ "Johns" has already been tried with some degree of success. This would be very effective in local newspapers. Compulsory “I’m a POOP” bumper-stickers are another possibility.

A final thought for the Sidewalk Sickie or the Schoolyard Scatterbrain - bring back the pillory. It is extreme but apparently necessary since signs and common sense are not working. Instead of tomatoes and the like however, guess what the general public would throw at them! An ample supply of ammunition would come from the other offenders, having completed their public clean-up service. Newspaper photos would provide a crowning touch.

If any of you have ever had the misfortune of stepping unknowingly into Pluto's plop, there are few experiences more disgusting. Well, maybe one. It happened to me as a child. I was barefooted and the dog was a cow.

Bring back the Pillory!

The Brewster